Warmth in winter
And another thing: my fortnightly column for the Catholic Thing, electronic organ of the Faith & Reason Institute, in Washington, DC. It is on the joys, & also the moral imperatives, of book burning:
“Fires are welcome in our northern winter, up here in the Canadas, & dry softwood logs are the fuel of first resort. Books, by comparison, need a lot of page-turning attention to keep them alight, at least when roasted individually. This is why I recommend the books-plus-logs approach to an open fire. I might mention chestnuts, but this is to consider the matter in too superficial a way. …”
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One of my little disappointments, on joining the Catholic Church, was to discover that the Index Librorum Prohibitorum had been discontinued. The last (20th) edition was published in 1948. Pope Paul VI formally abolished the Index in 1966, let me happily suppose because any further revision would have been too unwieldy. Granted, the Index was a passing thing, having been started only in 1559, & I generally oppose these modern innovations. But it did give readers some assurance that the Church knew what she was about.
It was always a little lax, however, compared to the licensing & censorship arrangements in the Protestant countries. This had partly to do with the Catholic practice of allowing authors of banned works to argue in their defence. They could often get around the prohibition with a few minor textual changes. For instance, books advocating the heliocentric cosmology were at first banned (as they also were in the Protestant north), but allowed if instead of “a fact” the heliocentric theory were described as “an hypothesis.” Moreover, you could get a dispensation from your priest to read almost anything; the books were all available in the towns. It wasn’t like England, for instance, where prohibited (mostly Catholic) books had to be printed abroad, & there were frightful penalties for smuggling them into the country.
The first couple of editions of the Index, in the 16th century, occasioned lively public debate among Catholic intellectuals, & the list was quickly much reduced. The discussion in itself was useful, of what should be condemned, & why. I should like to see something similar revived: a forum in which learned Catholics could dispute not merely which books should be avoided by Catholic readers, but more importantly, why they are pernicious.
Meanwhile, it strikes me some money could be made with a new line of “Idleness” products. A woodstove specially adapted for book burning might be a start, & I invite the Commentariat to suggest other attractive products with which we might begin to make our fortune.
I for one would prize a high-quality set of bookstove tools to accompany the stove itself: tongs of the appropriate size, a nice poker, cleaning broom, ash bucket, bookstove gloves, etc. There may be specialized chimney sweep equipment needed as well for page and binding residue.
This also seems to be an activity that one might especially enjoy in community, say at a pub that has a couple of bookstoves, with discussions of why particular volumes should or should not be burned, and the shared pleasure of seeing the hackery of Elaine Pagels, or any autobiography of a contemporary politician running for high office, or etc, go up in smoke. And the fond jokes and memories: “I can’t believe you (or I) actually bought that! Do you remember that Paul Krugman thing we had last year? It just kept burning for days.”
On ebooks, my only suggestions would be software that creates a burning image on-screen when one deletes a book, or a line of low-cost blank volumes of paper that one could throw into the fire as one deletes the ebook on screen, providing a 3-dimensional surrogate for the 2-dimensional screen image of the deletion (and which also contributes to the physical warmth).
“I cannot scan a bestseller list without spotting fresh candidates for incineration.” I’ll second that.
I’ve had the experience of finding old classics, only to discover that the modern editor has intruded some bit of awful nonsense into the preface or introduction. What to do? Why, I’ve simply ripped out the offending section, leaving the classical part of the classic intact.
“Pope Paul VI formally abolished the Index in 1966, let me happily suppose because any further revision would have been too unwieldy.” Only secondarily; chiefly it was a function of the aggiornamento instituted by his predecessor. Not coincidentally, Pope Paul also complained that “from some fissure the smoke of Satan has entered the temple of God.” He who has ears to hear…
“I am entirely defeated by e-books, and invite suggestions from my readers.” This is also an aesthetical conundrum: after all, pressing or tapping the button isn’t nearly so gratifying. But perhaps we should look to the Musselmen on this score too? Their treatment of the ancient library of Alexandria was inspiring; perhaps they have something to teach us in the digital age as well.
Well, what immediately comes to mind is a method for turning them into auto and truck fuel. That way, you could get a $500 billion loan from the U.S. taxpayers to spend on upgrading your website, constructing an outdoor incinerator, buying some chickens, and other self-centered pursuits.
A book oven could however be used on books with only half-baked ideas in order to fully bake them.
It’s little wonder Paul VI abolished the Index. Gaudium et Spes and the Declaration on Religious Liberty would have appeared on it in earlier, happier times.
The Index should be reestablished, but with all the sound Catholic books put on it. At least for a short while, these books would be instant bestsellers.
But think of the environmental catastrophe as the increased book burning pushes us further towards the tipping point of global warming.
If it should help us even in a small way, Acartia, to avoid the coming Ice Age, then, yee-haw!
(The Gullywashed Argot Department up here in the High Doganate disputes my use of the hyphen.)
My problem with “yee-haw” isn’t the hyphen. That’s a minor glitch. The primary problem is that the expression is only used by the Main Stream Media when it seeks to denigrate rednecks. It’s never heard in Southern conversation. You need real rednecks in the Department. What does the job pay? What are the benefits?
I thought that real rednecks say nothing at all, leaving their firearms to speak for them.
The fabulous all new for 2013 Gehenna In-sin-errator! With the new improved Vermont casting before swine flue! Steel damn-per! Special dust cover to dust ashes to ashes side door. Found in all the best cellars. “We turn mediocre into grate!” Echo-friendly Heat Elator to squeeze the last BTU out of plagiarized text. Talk to the prose at Gehenna. “Warming the body and soul for over 2000 years”. Free quotes – non binding.
Other Joe – holocaust humor is never appropriate.
Perhaps Mrs Just would explain how that was “holocaust humour.”
Get a biochar harvesting stove and plow it back into the land.