Essays in Idleness

We continue to receive berations, up here in the High Doganate, for our failure to endorse Mr Donald Trump for the presidency of Natted States Merica. It is taken as the most eccentric stand that we (in the sense of, “I”) have ever made. Even those who admit the very sight of this Donald makes them want to heave, say they must vote for him, or Hillary Klingon will get in.

But a correspondent I rather admire, for his entertainment value and so much else, writes to warn me of a worse fate this morning. He notes that some television comedian, with a name like Yawn Stewart, has attacked Mrs Klingon from within the Democrat fold. Given the august significance of this comedian, and his close proximity to the highest earthly powers, this can mean but one thing. The Obamanoids have decided it is time to put the leading candidate for the Succession under their speeding omnibus. They will let her be prosecuted for crimes that did not previously pertain to Klingons; and gaolbirds are almost impossible to elect. (Even when they are Democrats.)

Instead, my correspondent foresees her replacement with Mr Joe Biden, whom he considers (with justice, I am sure) a bigger threat to Western Civilization. We must vote for Trump, it now appears, in order to free Eternity from this “Liberal Catholic.”

My standard advice to my co-religionists in Canadian federal and provincial elections is, “Vote for whomever you want. Just make sure he is not a Catholic.”

All our worst prime ministers and premiers through recent history, and somewhat beyond, have been R-o-o-o-man. (I insert the extra vowels in the hope of achieving the old Scotch pronunciation; we seem to lack an antonym for the English word, elide.) The best (i.e. least satanic) seem all to be tedious accountants of the post-Protestant persuasion. It would be invidious to provide names; and besides it would take up too much space.

My rule of thumb works in most cases, though I admit not all. Catholic politicians in Canada — as in the NSM, I see — are almost invariably what I call “cradle cases.” That is, they were born into nominally Catholic households, and their Catholicism died there, too. “Spiritually stillborn,” one might say.

On the other hand, should some flaky zealot of a convert or revert come along, as a candidate for high office, my view would be: Laudate Dominum! (That’s Catholic for, “Praise the Lord!”)

Or more encyclopaedically: “Hey, it’s a Foost Day! We can vote for this guy without rushing to the Confessional, then going home to shower and boil all our clothes.”

Whereas, Joe Biden would not be in that category.

As my father once said, in a feint towards vulgarity, “We tend to underestimate the volume of the Devil’s bowels.” He meant: don’t smile yet, there’s more of it coming.

I notice from one poll that two-thirds of Democrats supporting the socialist, Mr Bernie Sandinista, say in response to another question, that they would like the next President to be “less liberal” than Obama Soebarkah. In such circumstances, I cannot guess where “strategic voting” will get us.

The same are likely as not to swing over to Trump in the general election. But wherever they do finally swing (and I would like to carpenter the scaffold sometimes) the votes of any handful of faithful Catholics will pass as so much flotsam on the tide.

My moral for this morning: never indulge in “strategic voting.”

(Coming soon: Why I disagree with Pat Buchanan’s foreign policy.)