Essays in Idleness

Michaelmas is one of the chief anniversaries in “my secret life,” or my fantasy life as you might call it; except that my fantasy lives are plural. By simply presenting a curriculum vitae of one or several of these imaginary existences, I could have become a prominent Liberal or Democrat politician; but self-disgust always got in my way.

My private harvest fantasy for St Michael (patron of the archdiocese of Toronto) could be fulfilled by shooting down one of the Canada geese that are just now flying by the High Doganate, and then preparing him in my kitchen (with apple and onion stuffing). I say “him,” because I would rather aim at one of the thick-necked ganders, for they are so aggressive and annoying. A bird at Michaelmas, a bird at American Thanksgiving, and a bird at Christmas, should be my culinary custom, and by rendering their gorgeous fat I could have fine roast potatoes. Perhaps I could be raising them to purpose; though I doubt there is room in a modern apartment for a pond of adequate size, and one’s superintendent might complain about the open-door arrangements.

So I am resigned to reality. It constantly encroaches upon my secret life.

As it did in childhood, when I decided to round-out my education at Merton College in Oxford. I would have arrived for Michaelmas term, a little more than half a century ago, taking a garret under the eaves of their 13th-century Mob Quad, from which I would have had a good shot at the geese flying low and slow over the Thames River floodplain. That is how you cook them, incidentally — low and slow, after some initial violent pricking and crisping.

But even by the 1970s, Oxford had deteriorated through feminization and Marxism, to the point where I had to remove it even from my secret life. For I have standards.

“More Canadians shop at Dominion than at any other store, … and it’s mainly because of the meat!”

I encountered this ancient slogan and jingle for the first time since, I think, the 1960s, while irresponsibly “scrolling” through the Internet this morning. It was so effectively written and composed, that the tune immediately came back to me, clearing some fog out of my brain.

How distant that time, when the word “Dominion” still conveyed pride in a country, that is now post-national. The term has been systematically suppressed, by our controlling political Orcs, and the company that used it as a name for its grocery chain has been unnamed, broken up, or bankrupted (it is hard to say which). Except, apparently, in Newfoundland and Labrador, it says here.

But their slogan should have survived, for after decades of bleak veganism, meat has somehow been revived, even by the health nazis. Meat is good for you, even they now declare. It contains protein, which is all the rage. According to leading heart surgeons and nutritionists, if you eat ketotonically, you may actually outlive me. But you might not if you only eat Tim Horton’s donuts.

It is important to be, much more than to do. Indeed, doing should generally be discouraged, in most circumstances. It is important to make art, and to avoid expressing yourself, for art is not a form of knowledge, as all the idiots say. For it consists instead of making. Nor is knowledge power, when we come to that. Truth is not power, either, especially in this country.

Still, it is more honourable than lies. It has always been so, and it will always be. And it is mainly because of the meat.

The idea of doing some action, or of correcting something that is wrong, or in a more subtle way of adjusting radically what is imperfect (wheels missing on a carriage, for instance), is not a universal American trait, or kind of behaviour. But it does seem to be unique to this continent, and to the few places that are economically viable, elsewhere. The Americans, or rather I should say, those Americans, are subject to the world’s envy, and the world’s (incompetently) organized resistance. But people like Donald Trump never learn. That is why I adore them.

Myself, I have always preferred to do nothing, and leave things to work themselves out, on the instruction of the Chinaman, Lao Tzu. I like to be comfortable with disaster: to exhibit my poise, when everything breaks down, as they do in what Mr Trump has called “the shit-hole countries.” All my life I have been mastering this admirably useless, idle discipline. It does not require skill, only time. But it helps to be diligent in opposition to the “optimists,” the “go-getters,” and “busy-bodies” who pretend to improve things. True reaction is the ideal political solution, after all. Truth to tell, it is also the superior strategy, for in the end all the optimists will die; as often as not, from exhaustion.

Modesty and anonymity in the service of Christ is the higher calling. Persistence without optimism or pessimism; and without knowing if we have succeeded, in the end. For in this world we cannot know.

Our most recent Canadian prime minister, Mark Carnage, has been leading us away from our fragmentary “Americanism,” towards that bottomless lake of “globalism,” past the usual bodyguard of lies. It is the destination of every secular plan. Our polished, besuited central bank-governor is advancing the corporate plan. He is making many powerful new allies — such as Red China, and the bureaucracy within “the black heart of Europe.” We will all stand together, against the “controversial” Trump, as he reciprocates for our own excessive tariffs, and tariff-like “procedures.” For the moment America refuses to lie still, frustrating the attempts to administer our punishments. The beatings would have been more violent and effective, had the Trumpists not cut the budgets of so many of the Democratic Socialist NGOs, designed as they are to defeat anything like Trumpism.

But as every corrupt, worthless politician must know, and all the common scum among the electorates that serve them, Trump will soon-enough be gone. And that means they will have the chance to re-install the principles of intentional waste and kakistocracy.

Getting our freedom back from the monster of statist tyranny — from socialism in its many poisonous configurations — will require, as would any counter-revolution, a certain amount of aggressive vulgarity. We will need courage, and incidentally, more courageous statesmen like Trump.

“O my God!” was my reaction, when the news finally reached me, that morning a quarter century ago. I had a column to write that morning, but first some telephone calls to make, one of them to New York City. It was a social call I was finally returning. I found out about the Islamic terror attacks in that way, for a telephonic recording told me that all connexions to Manhattan were down at the moment. Why on earth would that be?

My then more primitive Internet service was also mostly down, and when I turned on my radio I had an interminable CBC “arts” interview to get through. (I had not previously used the radio attachment to my CD machine.) Finally, in my frustration, I found the Times of India, where, at one glance, I took in the picture of the burning Twin Towers. (After more than another hour, CBC “breaking news” was reporting that a “far right Oklahoma bomber” might be responsible.)

I, of course, was not as thick as a CBC newsroom. As at the last World Trade Centre bombing, in 1993, I knew instantly whose terrorists had done it. I was too old to believe, for instance, Mr George W. Bush’s blather about Islam being “a religion of peace.” Having been a child in Pakistan, of all places, I knew from the age of six that Islam was a religion of war. That was when I had my first opportunity to witness an “incident” near my school in Lahore. Human slaughter makes an indelible impression on young minds, though in places like Palestine it turns them into enthusiasts, in that case for killing Jews.

I had a column to write, that morning in 2001; it would be my first on 9/11. I wrote it to discourage readers from freaking out. My first worry was that Christian America would retaliate mindlessly. When an old Hindu friend, a journalistic colleague, called me later that day from the Subcontinent, his first question was, “What is wrong with the Americans?” He was genuinely puzzled that reprisals against Muslims were not happening, coast to coast.

“If that attack had happened in Delhi,” was his view, “there would have been ten thousand Muslim bodies floating face down in the Yamuna by now!”

Well, yes, I had to agree: approximately.

It does not make sense to send me money any more (if you ever did), except from the purest generosity and kindness, for I don’t think I can “perform” any more, as a commentator on various miscellaneous and mostly stupid topics, except rarely while I am not seeing double. Even the beloved Catholic Thing has had to sign off on me, and if you sent me a cheque (or check — for most come from the United States) I would currently be unable to cash it. Indeed, the evidence is that the few of my fellow Canadians who notice me, despise me as much as I despise them. Meanwhile, all my past Idleworks will continue to be available gratis, in the hope of afflicting them.

I do not like to cheat anybody, even Communists or Muslims. So they may read me at their leisure.

This is because I am a convinced “Christianist,” who necessarily follows some eccentric doctrines. I think, for instance, that all contrary beliefs, without religious faith, are worthless, and potentially quite evil. Strangers may have been raised with alternative sincere beliefs, for instance Theravada Buddhist under the Pali canon, but as for the majority of liberals, leftists, socialists, progressives, … “for me, you may hang ’em, or drown ’em.” … (May God protect us from these atheist savages!)

The most superlative protection comes through making art. It is the natural expression (additional to prayer) of faith in action. The greatest threats come through bureaucrats and bureaucracies. I am for creative freedom, and voluntary acts, and against taxmen and oppressors.

But as I will continue to mumble my opposition to them, as long as I am able, please, some-time readers, pray for me.

Still moving, now that I have been slightly jostled by the by-election results, up here in “Canada,” where the Liberals have swept ridings in B.C., Ontario, and Quebec. They won by insuperable margins, after Carney intentionally picked a fight with Trump, again. Using such devices, his party has been able to laughably misrule our country for many, many years.

There are thirty-eight members of the OECD, and Canada is in dead last place. Yet still these low-intelligence mediocrities continue to win elections, just by telling lies.

An erstwhile Czech immigrant, and dear friend, who has returned to old Europe, notes, “I believe by losing the connexion to its real history it has in effect lost the right to call itself Canada. Perhaps it should now be called New Canada to distinguish it from what its people lived by, up to say the 1960s–1970s.”