An exceptional opportunity!
Regular readers are invited, nay encouraged, to “subscribe” to my Essays in Idleness. The rate is $50 per calendar year (Canadian or equivalent). You may also wish to multiply that, to cover for readers who are too poor, or too mean, to contribute for themselves. Ten times is good. A hundred times is better!
Think of the benefits! … You will be helping to support a penurious author who is not only no longer employed, but by now surely unemployable, throughout the Main Stream Media. And while I cannot offer days off Purgatory, or even a tax exemption, you will acquire cubic acres of my goodwill.
Then think of the guilt, if you don’t pay!
As an additional inducement to liberality, I am prepared to bestow the following titles upon my patrons, immediately; and the titles in brackets, on an hereditary basis, should I eventually succeed to the throne:
¶ Up to $50: Kindly Person. (Knight/Dame.)
¶ $50 or plus: Conscientious Patron. (Baron/Baroness.)
¶ $100 or plus: Generous Patron. (Earl/Countess.)
¶ $200 or plus: Superb Patron. (Marquis/Marchioness.)
¶ $500 or plus: Magnificent Patron. (Duke/Duchess.)
¶ $1000 or plus: Glorious Patron. (Prince/Princess.)
It will be appreciated that this limited-time offer, which expires at my death, represents an unprecedented opportunity. Where else can one’s claim to a noble seat be established for such piffling amounts?
Meanwhile, be advised that I have no Pay Wall, nor Collection Department, nor administrative bureaucracy of any kind. So if you do decide to go on reading my Idleposts gratis, I have no way to stop you.