Of third ways

Often I wish the lads in my neighbourhood, and the lasses, for all I know — the non-consensual products of a ruinously progressive education system — would either stop trying to steal cars, or learn how to do it. From the evidence of my ears, they are inept. They are constantly setting off the alarms, without managing to break in. The cars remain, in situ, their horns bleating. It is a sound worse than vacuum cleaners, or the back-up wailers on omnipresent trucks.

And tomorrow, the authorities will be testing the fire alarms, again, in this building. These will be blaring at short intervals for about two days. We must wait till the inspectors leave, to remove all the batteries, or endure false alarms through the coming year. Then remember to replace them in time for the next inspection. Meanwhile, as life will become unbearable in the High Doganate, find somewhere else to be.

Though not an enthusiast for post-modernity, I do experience appreciative moments. I draw my inspiration from other quarters. For instance, newspaper headlines. Here is one for the ages:

“Alone in the Wild for a Year, TV Contestants Learn Their Show Was Cancelled.”

I must have chortled five minutes at this. Another giggle, each time I think back. Ah, the vanity of human wishes: one imagines the suckerhood on their faces. No need to read the article, for it was in the New York Times, which graciously puts up a pay wall to warn you off reading more than would be safe for your health.

Back to Drudge for more headlines; it offers a daily survey of events that are contra naturam. … Breitbart is also good, but for my tastes, too engagé. … Small Dead Animals is all meat. …  Maggie’s Farm is for the connoisseurs. … They help you keep up with the Devil’s agenda. He has servants in high places, who every day try to push a few more “progressive” lumps, down the collective oesophagus.

We might call these “signs of the times” — mere road signs, really, not to be obeyed. But one may titter, privately. God gave us this means to cope with absurdities, and as a useful weapon against the demonic, in close-quarter rumbles. We know the Devil is tortured by laughter. So let us exhibit a mediaeval sensibility, and have some fun with him.

The world turned upside down; the fools’ festivals; pride parades are the current manifestation. April Fools is coming Saturday; make sure you are ready. (Earth Day, later in the month.) It is a day rich in anniversaries. We commemorate the first legalization of same-sex marriage (Netherlands, 2001); the accidental bombing of a Swiss city by the U.S. Air Force (1944); the foundation of the Reserve Bank of India (1935); the patent for an internal combustion engine (1826); … each, a celebration of unintended consequences, and thus amusing, in its own way. Digging deeper, we may recall the elevation of Maximian to Roman co-emperor (286). Or the crowning of China’s first female monarch, in 528. (She was deposed the next day.)

Painful as the consequences might be to others, or for the participants themselves, none of these occasions should be taken too seriously. All are eventually cancelled, in time. They are typical of the things that happen on this planet, which get into the news. More edifying events are hardly ever recorded. Goodness has never been newsworthy.

Contra naturam, or contra mundum: those are your options, my gentle reader. Don’t let anyone sell you a “third way.”