Essays in Idleness

Michael Malice, the inaptly-named, Soviet-born anarchist (less malicious than most who sport lively political opinions), has proposed a solution to the “Canada problem,” which will also solve several other problems associated with it. He begins by estimating the population of the “Great White North,” to be approximately forty millions. There are apparently also about that number of blacks in the United States, whom we understand to be seeking reparations from states like California, for their ancestors’ involuntary immigration to the American South.

Mr Malice’s idea is, that when Donald Trump annexes Canada (and Greenland), he could give one Canadian slave to each and every American black. The numbers are not precisely equal — there may be a million extra blacks — but let us not be distracted by administrative details. A few extra white slaves could be collected among Greenlanders and Danes.

Not only could this be presented as a handsome solution to the reparation issue, but also as a cure to Canadians’ unbearable smugness. And it corrects for what otherwise might have absent-mindedly created so many unnecessary Democrat voters in the USA.

Of course, I, and the few dozen sincere Catholics who reside in the Canadian Dominion, would be exempted, for we are not “citizens of this world.”