Back to the land
My proposal to the superintendent of my building, to keep a goat on the balcony of the High Doganate, has met with the usual bureaucratic resistance, and so I am compelled to buy milk at the corner store, where only over-packaged and over-priced commercial milk is available. This is subject to a different regulating authority, but frankly, I do not think a dairy cow would be any more welcome, or comfortable, suspended 99 feet in the air. Dairy cows are, in my limited bovine experience, not to be criticized for this, however. They are a tranquil, and kindly, though not a sentimental, beast; if unpredictable during a panic.
In a more perfect world, however, I could have a water buffalo, or perhaps a pair so they could entertain each other, by telling stories about us behind our backs and (since I am earnestly pro-life) starting a family. I speak of the beloved Bubalus bubalis, or domestic water buffalo, not the wild Bubalus armee, nor any of the ferals, for whose behaviour I cannot knowledgeably speak.
As a child near Lahore, one of these creatures, under the influence of religion I suspect, almost ran me over. I sympathized, for she had been turning a Persian wheel (a wellhead task normally reserved to a draft horse or donkey), and must have been lethally bored. A Thai water (or “swamp”) buffalo, on the other hand, has a more exciting intellectual life; she can understand language and reason — one may tell her “thaad” and “thoon“; or yodel to the dispersed brother-and-sisterhood, as they do in Indonesia.
Still, my purpose in keeping a water buffalo “carabao” would be to milk her, which can be done non-controversially except immediately after she has calved. The milk is much richer in fat and protein than that out of a mere dairy cow. Moreover, the beast(ess) is not subject to dairy board regulations in Canada, so one may legally hide her away from over-curious bureaucrats. This is important to know, for in our movement back to the land we must start somewhere. Only later in the operation will we be neutralizing the government agents.