Essays in Idleness

Ottawans should be aware that they may buy on the Internet horns that provide the same volume and timbre of sound that a giant truck rig can produce, when it is advising lesser vehicles to get out of its way. And there are enterprising foreign companies that can supply louder.

The rule is: honk for ten minutes, every half hour.

There is a special alarm to be used when trucks are backing up, and this could be imitated, too. I haven’t seen such a thing advertised, for popular use, however; so will save the idea for some day when I need a few million dollars. No doubt there are government subsidies that will pay my “research and development” costs, if I hire staff who are exclusively Diverse, Inclusive, and Equilateral.

Hell, we could do the front horns immediately, in Parkdale, except they would be drowned out by other vehicular and industrial noise in the district, to which Parkdelians have become accustomed.

When I was in hospital last year, I realized that only the nurses could not hear the multiple alarm buzzers sounding constantly through the corridors, and in all wards. The nurses had “tuned out” this very painful noise, to the extent of complete indifference to it. Only their patients were dreadfully exposed, at all hours of the day, through the time until they had also adapted. At night, when many had passed out from exhaustion, and ceased calling for a nurse, there was relative peace. The nurses had to wake their customers on purpose.

Loss of brain function is completely silent, though.

I sympathize with the auditors of truck horns, through the middle of Ottawa, many of whom are people I have met, and some were sensitive musicians and choristers. It must be torture for them, as it is for most who are subjected to the modern, progressive world; and if the clamour continues for more than two years I can imagine that it might become more irritating than the Batflu restrictions. This is what I imagine, but, in reality, the majority will get used to it, and only a small fringe minority with unacceptable views will express displeasure.

They must learn to stop worrying, and love the Honk!